Why I Am Here In The First Place

by Jillian on April 30, 2012 · 16 comments

I just finished a phone call with my health coach that I’ve been assigned to through IIN. It left me thinking about a lot of things. I’ve already had some recent concerns, but this phone call really affirmed that I need to work on some parts of my life.

Why am I not a fashion buyer anymore? How did I end up working at Joe’s restaurant and why do I still feel just as overwhelmed working part time as I did full time? I seem to have forgotten why I am here in the first place. I left my job to become something else.

I’m not just working a part time job. I am…

  • helping with bookkeeping for more than one restaurant (hoped for 15 hours, completing about 4)
  • serving “part-time” at the restaurant, anywhere from 29-35 hours a week
  • studying to become a certified health coach through IIN (average 4-5 hours a week, non-negotiable module time)
  • studying to become a certified personal trainer (7 hours a week preferably, but has fallen to more like 3)
  • maintaining my blog and managing it’s social media platforms (attempting to do everyday, but sometimes that extra hour every day just doesn’t fit)
  • taking care of the house: laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping (average 3-4 hours a week and needing a lot more!)
  • trying to fit 6 days of exercise in (6+ hours) a week

Well, it’s no wonder I feel so overwhelmed. When I look at the hours I am holding myself accountable versus the hours that are realistically happening, it’s not physically possible. Maybe for someone else, it is. Joe works somewhere around 70 hours a week, plus more if you count the phone calls and days that he’s supposed to have off and doesn’t. I am the first one to talk about how absurd it is for one person to have this much stress and pressure and not give themselves any “me time”, yet I am doing it to myself.

I can sit here and pretend I have my crap together, but I don’t. And I won’t portray a misleading image to you guys, either! I am expecting myself to give 70-80 a week in total of a combination of focuses, but realistically I can only give about 45-50 hours before “me time” starts getting cut out of the picture. How can I possibly give all of these areas of focus enough time? Something is going to take the back burner, or like I portrayed above, everything takes a hit. A few weeks ago at the event with Harley Pasternak, I told him how I was studying for 2 things and asked for his advice on becoming a personal trainer. What he said really resonated with me. “Instead of being good a a few things, excel at one thing”. I can’t possibly give my all to everything on my list.

On my days off, I give myself an agenda and find it hard to sit still. I feel guilty if I’m not being productive the entire day. I said to my health coach that it seems like I do have more time than when I was working full time so why do I feel like I am not accomplishing a lot even though I am always busy and I rarely take time for myself. And by time for myself, I don’t mean the 30 minutes I read blogs over breakfast in the morning or the hour of TV in bed with Joe before we fall asleep. Those things should happen everyday. How else would we gear up and unwind? Every phone call, he suggests that I take more “me time”.

What does he mean? I have “me time”! I only work at the restaurant 4 days a week! True. But I have a schedule set for every second that I am not working there. And you know what? None of it involves taking a walk in the park, shopping at an antique store for a neat pair of earrings or a decoration for the house, going to see a movie by myself, venturing into the city for a unique fitness class, visiting family, or writing in a journal (my blog doesn’t count). I know myself, and I know that I am a much better person when I am able to treat myself right first. If I allow myself time for me, I am a better girlfriend, daughter, friend, and server. We all need to treat ourselves right before we are able to treat others right.

Joe says that I am a routine person and that’s why I am having trouble with this new schedule. But, really, it’s because I have fallen into a place where I feel like I have to do these things. I’ve forgotten why I am where I am today and am losing my love for things I once knew were my passion. My health coach suggested that I will find a new way to love those things again once I give myself that time.

So what am I going to do? Start small, because obviously I don’t do well with fast and rapid change. I am going to try to take an hour a day for about 5 days out of the week to do things I wouldn’t normally do. I want to say that it is impossible to do it every day of the week, but it’s not. It’s just impossible right now in my mind, but eventually it can happen.

Starting today: it took me one hour to write this blog post and I already feel a load taken off my chest. Guess what? I’m going to add an some additional time, too! I’m done for the day, no more laundry and no more studying! I’m sort of craving fro-yo! ;)

Happy Monday, all!

  • Do you have any ideas for daily “me time”?

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lauren April 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm

It’s amazing how we get so caught up and lost into the routine and craze of life. I swear, we live in a world where there is simply no such thing as “down time” and the only time we ever consider it would be on a vacation. Sad. So glad you’re getting this healthy prospective. :)


2 Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health April 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm

It can be so easy to run ourselves down with constantly being on the go! I think it’s great that you are trying to incorporate some more me-time into your days! That’s something that we could probably all benefit from doing!


3 Kate April 30, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Take a bubble bath once a week– not a quick shower. It will help you unwind and let you clear your mind. I like to do mine with a good book and a glass of vino. ;)


4 Marilyn April 30, 2012 at 9:01 pm

Life is short. Eat dessert first.


5 kena April 30, 2012 at 9:05 pm

Thanks for this post, your honesty is refreshing and I totally relate to this post!!

I have tried to make my life easier in the last few months and now I am working two jobs! What!? How did that happen? I was supposed to start IIN program, but I feel so overwhelmed with one job that I have no passion for, a part time job that I am struggling to keep up with, keeping up with a husband, 7 & 13 year old, two dogs, workouts, house, blah, blah blah! I totally feel the overwhelmed stuff! I am also struggling with what I really want to do with my life (career) because I am currently running in so many different directions that I feel totally confused.

Anyway, I have started to do a few things recently that have calmed me down a bit. Sitting outside on the weekends and having a cup of coffee on the patio with my hubby, I have been taking my dogs on walks by myself and really soak up that quiet time and I also started to learn how to crochet and that has been fun and calming!

I am proud of you for taking some YOU time…it truly is important! Balance is the key….I am personally working on balance! Have a happy week! Enjoy your ME time!


6 Ashley @ Freckles and Spice April 30, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Great post Jillian! I feel like this is a very common woman problem. I have been trying to do some me time too – reading (not blogs or on the computer – but a real book), painting my nails, taking myself to a movie or my favorite coffee shop and just sitting and being with myself.
You will find your way back to you – I’ve struggled with this a lot. Have faith and remember everything happens for a reason. I have to keep reminding myself of that lately.


7 Laura @joyful shimmy April 30, 2012 at 10:06 pm

I can so identify with the struggle. I just had a conversation with my business coach in getting my business to the next level and the time that it takes. It can feel overwhelming. There are a few things that I have learned in helping me take on this project which calls for me to practice what I preach as selfcare is my thing. I write a quick 10things that I’m gratefu. I make sure that I’m genuine smiling when I’m doing work. It allows me to focus in being present and releasing happy hormones. Remember to breathe and accept that doing nothing will be the hardest thing we can do but the most necessary. My biggest money,aker comes from my daily day off. The ideas are bursting. It’s awesome. Email me offline if you need peer coaching support


8 Katherine April 30, 2012 at 11:01 pm

Great post! I know how it feels to get overwhelmed like that and just go through the motions of living your life. it’s the worst but it is so hard to find the opportunity to take me time. Good for you!!


9 Caitlin April 30, 2012 at 11:30 pm

Love this post. So relate-able! I seem to have that conversation with my health coach all the time :) let’s make a date for some relaxation soon!


10 Patricia May 1, 2012 at 8:46 am

Go for a drive, while blasting your favorite music and singing at the top of your lungs. Come home have a glass of wine while sitting outside!


11 Danielle May 1, 2012 at 5:06 pm

I love your honesty in this post, too. Sometimes it’s hard to remember to make time for daily “me time”. Do you like to read?? Whenever I snuggle up with my Kindle and a glass of vino afterwards I feel very well rested and happy that I took some time to be selfish :)


12 Sara @ Nourish and Flourish May 2, 2012 at 2:27 am

I’m so glad you shared this with us, Jillian! “Doing it all” seems to have become the unspoken norm in our society—so much that I feel guilty when I have to say no to something, or when I take time for myself. I really like what Haley Pasternak said about excelling at *one* thing, rather than spreading ourselves too thin. We literally can’t do everything well (and honestly, the world would be a pretty boring place if we were good at everything we tried!). :-)

Cheers to many happy “me time” hours this week! I always enjoy sipping a glass of wine while having a pedicure. It feels so indulgent! xoxo


13 Lora @ Crazy Running Girl May 4, 2012 at 12:55 pm

I am the same way, I schedule myself until I am burnt out and just can’t handle it anymore. I find that I’m always attached to either the computer or my iPhone… ahh! For “me” time, I really like sitting outside and reading. I also find comfort in cooking… there’s something soothing about it.


14 Jessica May 11, 2012 at 9:31 pm

I recently went through all of this. I was completely overwhelmed with work, blog, my relationship, and working out…I was losing it! I think it’s a type A personality thing…do it all and do it all well. Good for you for recognizing that you have to make a change. I hope you are able to find the time to relax and have some “me time!”


15 Jillian May 12, 2012 at 1:23 pm

It is totally a type A thing. I psych myself out that I don’t have enough time, but I just need to reorganize a bit!


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